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fuchsI read alot about self doubts on my friendslist these days. And all the comments tell them, that one should just know what one wants, and then decide to pursue those wishes.
The problem with that is: If I want something, but fear it as well, like falling in love or finding my core, and that fear is absolutely breathtakingly horrible, do I really wish it?
So most of the time the problem isn't, that you don't know what you want, but that your fear overrules the wish. When I fall in love I can get hurt. If I find my core and just find out that I am the most boring person I ever heard of, what then?
Most fears have to be overcome. You can only overcome your fear if you confront yourself with it. Fall from the horse, get up again instantly and try again.
So if you wish something and fear it too much to pursue it, ask yourself if you wish it enough to fight that long and possibly hurtful fight with the fear. You are not a bad person if you don't. You don't have to go all the way at once, either.
I don't want to fall in love with a guy right now. I fear it way too much. So I just try to friend some guys, get in touch with the other sex again.
If you don't want to apply for something because you fear rejection too much, then don't and stop feeling guilty for it.
Fear is a warning, with which our collective memory lets us know its doubts. It's totally okay to listen.
But if you can't stop feeling guilty, then perhaps you are deceiving yourself, a traitor to your own happiness. Most of the time, if you look at your fear hard enough and feel your wants strong enough, jumping from the cliff will stop feeling so suicidal, and all you can think of will be the crystal clear water at the bottom, embracing you, if you just jump.
... wow, ain't I the wise old dunderhead. Anyway, New Layout!
The problem with that is: If I want something, but fear it as well, like falling in love or finding my core, and that fear is absolutely breathtakingly horrible, do I really wish it?
So most of the time the problem isn't, that you don't know what you want, but that your fear overrules the wish. When I fall in love I can get hurt. If I find my core and just find out that I am the most boring person I ever heard of, what then?
Most fears have to be overcome. You can only overcome your fear if you confront yourself with it. Fall from the horse, get up again instantly and try again.
So if you wish something and fear it too much to pursue it, ask yourself if you wish it enough to fight that long and possibly hurtful fight with the fear. You are not a bad person if you don't. You don't have to go all the way at once, either.
I don't want to fall in love with a guy right now. I fear it way too much. So I just try to friend some guys, get in touch with the other sex again.
If you don't want to apply for something because you fear rejection too much, then don't and stop feeling guilty for it.
Fear is a warning, with which our collective memory lets us know its doubts. It's totally okay to listen.
But if you can't stop feeling guilty, then perhaps you are deceiving yourself, a traitor to your own happiness. Most of the time, if you look at your fear hard enough and feel your wants strong enough, jumping from the cliff will stop feeling so suicidal, and all you can think of will be the crystal clear water at the bottom, embracing you, if you just jump.
... wow, ain't I the wise old dunderhead. Anyway, New Layout!
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Answered as if it was an answer to my entry and just what comes to my mind :)
Date: 2005-01-23 10:14 am (UTC)Applying to university... yes, I fear the rejection. But this is just a minor part in the problems coming along with that. I am also unsure about money (it's *not* that I want to be rich, but just *some* more would be nice, I think you know what I mean :)), about the 'wasted time', I mean, I will be 30 or so when I am ready, if everything works out well, it's the fear of being unsure if I manage a time-intense course AND 10 or 16+ hours work a week. It's my life, I should do the things I want to do, I know. But there is also a part in me just wants to have a nice and secure job, etc.
So for me, I think, it's more the fear to make the wrong decision (and deciding against it can be as wrong), than the fear to be rejected or something. Or: For me it *would* be kind of a little solution to really know what I want / what is the best for me / what makes me happy. It would help. But I don't know it and thinking and thinking about it seems not to help. And with 24 I am slowly a bit tired about trying and more trying out. Maybe I shouldn't be so impatient.
I wrote the 'I am happy' list (a list, haha! :D), so I could also write the 'I am unhappy' list without feeling 'guilty' for feeling not good. Because I *know* I can be happy with my life in general. But part of that happyness (for me) is being allowed to feel bad sometimes without being told 'Jetzt stell dich mal nicht so an' (I don't know that in english) and without feeling egoistic/wrong because of being down.
Yeah, well, just so :)
I hope for you everything works out... also about the boys thing. Today I looked through old photos and saw some of you and Martin... I know you were just friends, but well, you looked cute together ;)
To bad the Essigfabrik isn't anymore.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 10:48 am (UTC)Ansonsten: Keine Entscheidung fällen ist IMMER die schlechteste Alternative. Selbst die im Rückblick später etwas ungünstigere Entscheidung ist somit besser, als zwischen allem herumzuhängen.
Du musst dich schon entscheiden, was dir wichtiger ist, spätere größere Chancen oder jetzt Sicherheit und Geld. Beides geht wirklich nicht. Ich muß es wissen.
Es hilft manchmal, sich einen Tag dafür zu nehmen und ab dem Aufwachen morgens nur Argument-Vergleichstabellen zu machen und nachzudenken. Aufräumen, mit anderen darüber Diskutieren und Spazieren gehen helfen dabei, die Gedanken zu ordnen. Fernsehen, Rollenspielen, Lesen, alles, was ablenkt dagegen ist dann erstmal verboten.
Mit Glück, Geduld und Spucke hast du dann bis zum Abend eine Entscheidung gefällt. Und nichts macht glücklicher.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-23 12:22 pm (UTC)Das ich mich entscheiden muss weiß ich ja. Drüber nachdenken tue ich auch, sehr viel sogar. Ich rede auch mit anderen drüber.
Sorgen mache ich mir deshalb, weil all das bisher nichts hilft, weil ich es nicht 100% hinbekomme mich zu entscheiden - bzw. meine getroffenen Entscheidungen wieder anzweifle (wie z.b. zu studieren). Bis zum Abend eine Entscheidung getroffen zu haben wäre mein Traum, wirklich, aber es sind schon viele Abende ohne Entscheidung vorbeigegangen - trotz Gespräche mit Freunden und auch ganz ohne Ablenkung durch Rollenspiel oder Fernsehn oder sonstwas.
Ich hoffe es geht bald voran, ich hoffe ich schaff es. Zwischendrin wird es noch auf und ab gehen und ich hoffe einfach, dass es ok ist.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 11:17 am (UTC)Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Ohje.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 10:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:13 pm (UTC)