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fuchsI read alot about self doubts on my friendslist these days. And all the comments tell them, that one should just know what one wants, and then decide to pursue those wishes.
The problem with that is: If I want something, but fear it as well, like falling in love or finding my core, and that fear is absolutely breathtakingly horrible, do I really wish it?
So most of the time the problem isn't, that you don't know what you want, but that your fear overrules the wish. When I fall in love I can get hurt. If I find my core and just find out that I am the most boring person I ever heard of, what then?
Most fears have to be overcome. You can only overcome your fear if you confront yourself with it. Fall from the horse, get up again instantly and try again.
So if you wish something and fear it too much to pursue it, ask yourself if you wish it enough to fight that long and possibly hurtful fight with the fear. You are not a bad person if you don't. You don't have to go all the way at once, either.
I don't want to fall in love with a guy right now. I fear it way too much. So I just try to friend some guys, get in touch with the other sex again.
If you don't want to apply for something because you fear rejection too much, then don't and stop feeling guilty for it.
Fear is a warning, with which our collective memory lets us know its doubts. It's totally okay to listen.
But if you can't stop feeling guilty, then perhaps you are deceiving yourself, a traitor to your own happiness. Most of the time, if you look at your fear hard enough and feel your wants strong enough, jumping from the cliff will stop feeling so suicidal, and all you can think of will be the crystal clear water at the bottom, embracing you, if you just jump.
... wow, ain't I the wise old dunderhead. Anyway, New Layout!
The problem with that is: If I want something, but fear it as well, like falling in love or finding my core, and that fear is absolutely breathtakingly horrible, do I really wish it?
So most of the time the problem isn't, that you don't know what you want, but that your fear overrules the wish. When I fall in love I can get hurt. If I find my core and just find out that I am the most boring person I ever heard of, what then?
Most fears have to be overcome. You can only overcome your fear if you confront yourself with it. Fall from the horse, get up again instantly and try again.
So if you wish something and fear it too much to pursue it, ask yourself if you wish it enough to fight that long and possibly hurtful fight with the fear. You are not a bad person if you don't. You don't have to go all the way at once, either.
I don't want to fall in love with a guy right now. I fear it way too much. So I just try to friend some guys, get in touch with the other sex again.
If you don't want to apply for something because you fear rejection too much, then don't and stop feeling guilty for it.
Fear is a warning, with which our collective memory lets us know its doubts. It's totally okay to listen.
But if you can't stop feeling guilty, then perhaps you are deceiving yourself, a traitor to your own happiness. Most of the time, if you look at your fear hard enough and feel your wants strong enough, jumping from the cliff will stop feeling so suicidal, and all you can think of will be the crystal clear water at the bottom, embracing you, if you just jump.
... wow, ain't I the wise old dunderhead. Anyway, New Layout!
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Date: 2005-01-23 12:22 pm (UTC)Das ich mich entscheiden muss weiß ich ja. Drüber nachdenken tue ich auch, sehr viel sogar. Ich rede auch mit anderen drüber.
Sorgen mache ich mir deshalb, weil all das bisher nichts hilft, weil ich es nicht 100% hinbekomme mich zu entscheiden - bzw. meine getroffenen Entscheidungen wieder anzweifle (wie z.b. zu studieren). Bis zum Abend eine Entscheidung getroffen zu haben wäre mein Traum, wirklich, aber es sind schon viele Abende ohne Entscheidung vorbeigegangen - trotz Gespräche mit Freunden und auch ganz ohne Ablenkung durch Rollenspiel oder Fernsehn oder sonstwas.
Ich hoffe es geht bald voran, ich hoffe ich schaff es. Zwischendrin wird es noch auf und ab gehen und ich hoffe einfach, dass es ok ist.