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I can't stand it anymore.
Last time I went to work I nearly cried. I was 15 minutes early, so I tried to win money, I asked for jobs in cinemas and every shop on my way.
And then the 15 minutes were over and I still had to go.
Really, I felt dirty like I'd be selling myself.
I don't want to smile at dumb lead agents anymore and tell them their ideas on how to improve my selling are fantastic and logical. I don't want to tell customers that they really need the product I sell, even if it's not a bad product.

I have always been a magnificent liar.
I just stopped lying some day.
I don't ly to anyone anymore.

But I have to do it at work.

I just don't want to anymore.
I desperately need money. Not much, just 100 or 200 euro per month.
That really isn't worth it, is it?

But now that I decided to leave this job behind me for good... I feel bad about it.
This isn't about my money.
It's about the money of my friends, which I owe them.

They are my friends, I don't really believe that they'd prefer watching me cry and stuff. But, for fucks sake, I don't wanna owe money to anyone! Especially not to people I love and who need it as desperately as I do.

So I'm searching for a job again.

I don't own any shoes anymore which don't hurt my feet after a while.
I own two pair of trousers. All my other pairs are damaged.
My glasses are hopelessly old. I can't read signs anymore which are to far away. And if I try to watch things that are far away, I just create a major headache.


Damned money.
Damn it all to hell.

Yesh.

Ich habe soeben das Haus zusammengeschrien.

Ich habe gekündigt. Gott. Sei. Dank.
*schüttel*

Ich bot der Chefin an, heute trotzdem nochmal zu kommen, von wegen "Ist ja jetzt für sie bestimmt zu kurzfristig, um noch umzudisponieren, und wäre ja auch kein Aufwand." - gelogen.
Und: "Mein Vater läßt mich bei ihm mitarbeiten, der baut sich gerade eine selbstständige Existenz auf." Teil 1: gelogen. Teil 2: wahr.

Meine Güte.

Morgen hat der Ksta wieder Stellenanzeigen.
Morgen mache ich Bewerbungsfotos für die zwei Agenturen aus der letzten Ausgabe.
Morgen rubbel ich nochmal Lose auf.

Und damit mein Glück mir beisteht, mach ich jetzt zwei unangenehme, lang vor mir hergeschobene Aufgaben und zwei Stunden Japanisch.
Denn immer wenn ich fleissig bin, habe ich auch Glück.
Ich finde, das kann auch ruhig mal auf Abruf funktionieren.