Guilt and failure

I fear I'll never be able to stop feeling guilty about leaving my little sister. Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts.
She just called me, I think she just wanted to talk, to contact me, to feel a little nearer. She asked stupid questions about the cd's I sent her, and she didn't even have the time to talk properly, because Dad just made lunch. I told her she could ask anything she wanted to, but she should know what she wanted to know before asking. I told her she could call me anytime just for talking.
So she apologised profusely and her voice suddenly sounded so strained. Embarassed perhaps. Longing.
God, I love her.
I wish I could just be there for her AND live my own life. I wish she could be totally happy and secure without me.

I wish I could forget all the failures in my life. I still remember most of those small embarassements, bad grades and humiliations. I don't want to think about friends who let me down, I want to forget the feeling of knowing that you just made such a major fool of yourself.
I don't want to contemplate my past self. I want to lose the burden of past wrong decisions and lacks of awareness.
It churns in my stomach to think about how I often didn't even recognize I've been humiliated by false friends and people I wouldn't have suspected. So naive. So dumb.

Sometimes I ponder if it would do any good to write them all down, failures, humiliations, bad memories. To put them in a small black book. I don't know, and then burn it, perhaps. Lay the regrets to rest. Bury the churning.
But writing something down lends things a greater amount of reality. Wouldn't I just remember them better, afterwards? Wouldn't I create a sort of canon of failures to be thought about everytime I remember a part of it?
I even thought of a ritual to invent and celebrate to rid myself of all of them. Some kind of psychological little helper. A placebo fo my soul.
I'll watch this, and perhaps I'll burn a little black book on the next significant pagan holiday, winter solstice.